Controlling Anger Lest Anger will control you…

We all know about anger and we all are most experienced on it. Anger is a human emotion. Which is usually a normal reaction when we feel irritated. It becomes a negative trait, when it gets out of control and turns destructive.\n\nWhen destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your daily life. And we cannot help thinking that we are at the mercy of this unpredictable and powerful emotion.\n\nWhat is Anger:\n\nAnger is the result of physiological and biological changes that happen in our body.when under the fit of an anger our body start experiencing changes. The vital signs namely heart rate, respiration and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.\n\nCause of Anger can be internal or external. We get angry at a particular person (say boss) or event (a traffic jam), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events also trigger angry feelings in us.\n\nExpressing Anger is natural:\n\nWhen we express anger or be threatened to be, we respond aggressively, that is the natural instinct in us.Knowingly or unknowingly, we stand up to fight and to defend ourselves,when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. But, we do not have the liberty to physically lash out at otherpersonsor object that irritates or annoys us e.g. laws of the land.\n\nProcess of anger:\n\nOn anger front, three main approaches are\n

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• expressing,
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• suppressing,
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• and calming.
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\nExpressing your angry feelings in an assertive manner is the best way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your need to say or do and keep in mind that others also have the right to be respected. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others right not to be yelled at. When we suppress anger, it can get converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your angerand focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t expressed outwardly, your anger can turn inward—on you. Anger turned inward may cause serious health issues including hypertension, stroke, or depression.\n\nUnexpressed anger is problematic:\n\nUnexpressed anger can create other set of problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior.People in this stage confronthead-on and are cynical and hostile. These people who constantly put others down, criticize everything. And not surprisingly, they fail to experience successful relationships. In the third stage people try tocalm down inside. And manage their outward behavior. This helps the person to come back on the rails of normalcy.In an effort to calm downone can go for a walk. Getting away from a situation that is causing you to feel angry can help you calm down. Getting outdoors and focusing on nature can be even more soothing. Taking a walk will help you burn off some of that negative energy instantly and can help you get away from the problem. I use this method vociferously.\n

When, being angry, we\nfeel like firing on another\nperson; count 10 in reverse\norder and you will be able\nto hold your nerve and\nresist from the temptation\nof unmerited firing.Wise\npeople do not shoot the\nAK 47 of words from the\nshoulder of an anger.

\nAnger Management:\n\nThe goal of anger management is to deceleratethe arousal that anger causes. we can’t get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people thatmaddenus, nor can we change them, but you can learn to compose ourselves and control our reactions. Speaking from my own experience some people really are more “hotheaded” than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. Conversely, there are also those who don’t show their anger in open ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Some people have a low tolerance for frustration. They feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. Always remember that everyone has a threshold limit, after that anger can topple wisdom, though temporarily. When anger is in wisdom goes out.\n\nAnger can be genetic:\n\nOne cause may be genetic or physiological. Some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered. They show these signs at a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Our children need to know as to how to channelize angerin a constructive manner. Research has alsoconfirmed that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not practiced at emotional level of communications.\n\nStrategies to keep anger away: As we age, we keep on learning to manage anger in a better manner. As per experts following strategies provide reasonable help:\n

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• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you.
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• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax,” “control”, “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself 20times,while breathing deeply.
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• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
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• Non-strenuous, breathing related yoga exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
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• Make a planand implement it. check your progress along the way. Resolve to giveyour best,
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• Better Communication helps. Be a good listener.
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• It’s natural to get defensive when you’re criticized, but don’t fight back. Learn to forgive people. People are not going to change; you have to amend your way of handling such situations. Sometimes, to take a stand helps.
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• Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a terribleone.
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• Selectively use humor depending on the situation and the level of the parties engaged. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don’t try to just “laugh off” your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them in a more constructive manner. Second, don’t give in to harsh,mocking humor; that’s just another form of unhealthy anger expression.
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• Changing Your Environment helps. Move away from the scene. Time is a great healer. Discuss the situation after at least 72 Hours.
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• Avoid things that offend you.
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• Choose the proper timing to discuss issues.
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\ncounselling helps in some cases:\n\nIf you feel that your anger is really out of control; it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling -to learn how to handle it better. When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his approach to anger management. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.\n\nConclusion\n\nRemember, you can’t eliminate anger—and it wouldn’t be a good idea to do so. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be a justifiable anger. Repeatedly, we are filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others inflicted on us. You can’t change that; but you can change the way you let such events bother you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run. That is a wise thing to do.\n

An angry person is not\nalways wise, because\nanger is a brief madness.\nThose who keep their anger\nunder control, are more\nsuccessful in their chosen\nfield. They know that\nwhatever begins in anger\nends in shame.

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