A FATHER- IS A SON’S FIRST HERO; A DAUGHTER’S FIRST LOVE.
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\n\nThere’s no substitute for a full-time dad. Dads who are fully engaged with their kids overwhelmingly tend to produce children who believe in themselves and live full lives, though exceptions are there. \n\nDads are most ordinary men turned into Family heroes. As we get older, we become the person we always should have been, and I feel that has happened to me also. I’m rather surprised at who I am, because I’m actually like my dad. He used to take me to the local library on evenings and week ends as he was fond of reading. It is due to this initiative of my dad that I am into reading and writing for the last 48 years. I owe this habit of writing to my rev. dad. \n\nFather vs Mother- for the family: \n\nThe role of a father is pari- passu with that of the mother, though due to more emotional attachment with the mom, and a hearty nod from the father- the mother, may be, scores better in the mindset of the children. A father being head of the family, try to take more responsibility for the shaping of the children in most of the cases though exceptions are there. \n\nThe safely and success of the children, is what, the driving force of the whole Universe. Based on my own experience, I personally feel Children on the other hand also work very hard because they get the family supported diving board where they get the momentum to do the somersault of life and delve deep into the challenging waters of life and come out triumphant. \n\nWhen you are a father to be:\n\n As a Dad-to-be, your primary job is to make sure Mom-to-be doesn’t see red during this stressful time of emotional and physical upheaval for her. Make sure that she has your unflinching support on physical as well as emotional front. A caring father always lead the periodical visits of the expecting wife to the Physicians/ Hospitals, plus take care of the nutrition, vitamins and immunizations et al.\n\n When you are a father, for the first time: \n\nIt was a dramatic life change, that took place, when I became a dad for the first time. I wouldn’t trade the life I have with my kids for anything in the entire world. Of course, Becoming a father is a challenge to any man’s psyche and there is a fundamental reorganization that you cannot avoid when you begin this journey. Becoming a father increases your capacity for love and your level of patience towards the family. For a father- along with his wife- his children are his greatest joy- out of everything in his life. \n\nAnyone can be a father, but a father is a special dad when he proves to be a caring dad and lead the welfare of the family as a head. My rev. dad taught me the game of life and he taught me how to play it rightfully too. \n\nEvery father is a great teacher: \n\nMy father was my in- house teacher. But most importantly he was a great dad. Every father has the mindset that being a dad is his most important job. Being a father is about adaptation and about making the most of the opportunities that are available to you. Every child normally looks up to the father for stability and strength and, therefore, every dad must strive to be a good role model for his children.\n
\n\nI like to think, my dad was easy going and kind, and I think some of those things have been passed down in me. I am like him in a sense of being positive and hopeful. He was compassionate, and I’ve got a lot of that in me as well. Now being a dad and a grand-dad, I just copycat his style of parentage because this approach is already tested and trusted. \n\nWhen you are grown up: \n\nChildren do outgrow the lap of a father but they never outgrow his heart. Parental Love for children lasts a life time. Bringing up a child with healthy habits, great discipline and a successful career is no easy task, particularly in this vying age of razor-sharp competition. But almost every dad, being the family head, along with his better half make things happening in the interest of the family\n\n A son needs a father:\n\n As a boy grows up, on the pedestal of time, many people influence him and his development into adulthood. Clearly, a father is and should be, his most important role model. Every son expects the following from his father:\n\n • Every son wants his father to love and respect his wife i.e. his mother. By doing so a dad is showing him how to treat his mother, his sisters, and all the women he’ll meet in his life. This will set the foundation for the relationships he will have later in his life. In case there is a divorce between the parents or the father-mother relationship is difficult, do what you can to treat his mother with respect. \n\n• The best teacher is, failures of others, and how it is handled. When a son sees his father fail, and handle the failure well, he sees that it is normal to make mistakes and that mistakes can be fixed. Such a son will be primed to , not to be afraid of making mistakes and will grow into a man positioned to accept and conquer great challenges. \n\n• A son always wants to see a dad lead the family by serving; this way, he will better understand leadership. As he grows, he will better lead his family, lead at work and lead in his community. \n\n• He needs you to be present in his education, in his social life, in other areas of his life. A dads’ presence in all areas, will give him the timely support he needs. \n\n• A son always needs, dads’ love regardless of what choices he makes. He needs a dad to love him, unequivocally, even if they are different. A dads’ love and guidance always open the door to trust and acceptance that build relationship.\n\n • A son needs his dad to affirm him. “I love you, my son.” “I’m proud of you, my son.” “You are amazing, my son.” “I know you can do it, son.”. “You are a hard worker.” “You messed up, but I know you’ll bounce back.” These are the lines my dad used when I needed encouragement. A son always needs to hear the words that let him know you- the father. \n\n• A dad needs to discipline/ guide his son – in patches- being on the learning curve. This must be done with love and mutual respect. When you discipline your son, yet set boundaries and expectations as a dad. He is going to make mistakes just like you did, dear dad, as a kid but he also needs to know that his actions have consequences. Disciplining him with love will teach him to consider the consequences, his actions will have. This will prepare him to think and evaluate the choices he makes both now and in the future.\n
\nAfter writing an article on Mothers’ Day last month, as I sit down to write an article on Fathers’ day, the primitive thoughts hitti ng the cockles of my heart are; A Mother and a Father are the two wheels of the hitch wagon called Family. If both the wheels of the family wagon are lubricated with the lube of love, passionately coordinated, with single ultimate goal, then the core family passengers-i.e. the children assuredly pass through the journey of life and find their destination in succession.\nA dad is definitely the one you look up to, no matter how tall you grow. A Dads’ guiding hand on the shoulders of the children, will continue to remain forever. A dad is someone who wants to catch you before you fall and instead pick you back up, brushes you off, and lets you try again. A father knows that failure is- temporary and a great teacher - whereas success is never ending and may be permanent and appear in different shapes.\n\n On my sixteenth birthday, when I went to my dad to seek his blessings on the auspicious day, my dad rhymed to me, “Happy Birthday, my dear son.” Before I could thank him, he hastened to add in Punjabi – my mother tongue - hor ki haal eh Aaadi. [ how are you friend?] I then queried, “why he is saying that he is my dear friend whereas I am his son?”\n\n I still vividly remember that he started losing eye connection with me and while reminiscing with a sense déjà vu, he replied,” Today, you are sixteen and grown up. Your feet fits well into my shoes and your ego have fully developed now. From today onwards, I will treat you like a very very close family friend, otherwise you may react – may be badly- and I do not want be in such an unfortunate situation which can affect your attitude- the core basis of your personality- negatively. From this day onwards, my father, happened to be my friend, my mentor, my guide. This special day – in my life- always reminds me of how often he has been there for me.\n\n
\n\nThere’s no substitute for a full-time dad. Dads who are fully engaged with their kids overwhelmingly tend to produce children who believe in themselves and live full lives, though exceptions are there. \n\nDads are most ordinary men turned into Family heroes. As we get older, we become the person we always should have been, and I feel that has happened to me also. I’m rather surprised at who I am, because I’m actually like my dad. He used to take me to the local library on evenings and week ends as he was fond of reading. It is due to this initiative of my dad that I am into reading and writing for the last 48 years. I owe this habit of writing to my rev. dad. \n\nFather vs Mother- for the family: \n\nThe role of a father is pari- passu with that of the mother, though due to more emotional attachment with the mom, and a hearty nod from the father- the mother, may be, scores better in the mindset of the children. A father being head of the family, try to take more responsibility for the shaping of the children in most of the cases though exceptions are there. \n\nThe safely and success of the children, is what, the driving force of the whole Universe. Based on my own experience, I personally feel Children on the other hand also work very hard because they get the family supported diving board where they get the momentum to do the somersault of life and delve deep into the challenging waters of life and come out triumphant. \n\nWhen you are a father to be:\n\n As a Dad-to-be, your primary job is to make sure Mom-to-be doesn’t see red during this stressful time of emotional and physical upheaval for her. Make sure that she has your unflinching support on physical as well as emotional front. A caring father always lead the periodical visits of the expecting wife to the Physicians/ Hospitals, plus take care of the nutrition, vitamins and immunizations et al.\n\n When you are a father, for the first time: \n\nIt was a dramatic life change, that took place, when I became a dad for the first time. I wouldn’t trade the life I have with my kids for anything in the entire world. Of course, Becoming a father is a challenge to any man’s psyche and there is a fundamental reorganization that you cannot avoid when you begin this journey. Becoming a father increases your capacity for love and your level of patience towards the family. For a father- along with his wife- his children are his greatest joy- out of everything in his life. \n\nAnyone can be a father, but a father is a special dad when he proves to be a caring dad and lead the welfare of the family as a head. My rev. dad taught me the game of life and he taught me how to play it rightfully too. \n\nEvery father is a great teacher: \n\nMy father was my in- house teacher. But most importantly he was a great dad. Every father has the mindset that being a dad is his most important job. Being a father is about adaptation and about making the most of the opportunities that are available to you. Every child normally looks up to the father for stability and strength and, therefore, every dad must strive to be a good role model for his children.\nOne of the great lessons, I remember, my dad constantly emphasized in our family-while I was growing up- happened to be, believe in yourself, be confident, take calculative risk[s], be fully prepared, use your resourcefulness and let timely initiative lead you to fruition. He taught me that we are not victims of the circumstances surrounding us, but rather masters of our own destiny. Do not let the positivity to derail and allow the hard work to prevail.”\nBeing a father means, you have to think fast on your feet. You must be judicious, wise, brave, tender, and willing to help your kids- even if it cost you some loss of money. When I was a kid, my little elder sister informed my dad that, during sleep, she was imagining animals running under her bed. Read the solution of a smart father; he cut all the legs of the bed and my sister never complained again on this. Dads are indeed intelligent people. My dad, always treated me like a chum and slowly but cleverly put the habit of reading inside me as he used to take me to the local library after I wrote my matriculation exams.\n\nA father is your best friend- particularly in formative years:\n\n Every dad, leads from the front, to be the parent to his children on any given day. Whenever we need advice or someone to just listen, Dad is always the man. The confidence he has in children is tremendous and encouraging all the same time. Needless to add that a good Dad is able to smile when there is little to smile about. As an educator, I’ve experienced, the positive influence that my father had on me. \n\nMy dad was my best friend and greatest role model. He was an amazing dad, coach, mentor, security guard and a great husband to my mom. He was there, when I didn’t understand, he was there when I was wrong, he was there when I cried, he was there when I lied. For some reason my dad was always there, when I needed him the most. His love was never ending. And now that he’s gone, there is an emptiness in my world but not in my heart.\n\n
\n\nI like to think, my dad was easy going and kind, and I think some of those things have been passed down in me. I am like him in a sense of being positive and hopeful. He was compassionate, and I’ve got a lot of that in me as well. Now being a dad and a grand-dad, I just copycat his style of parentage because this approach is already tested and trusted. \n\nWhen you are grown up: \n\nChildren do outgrow the lap of a father but they never outgrow his heart. Parental Love for children lasts a life time. Bringing up a child with healthy habits, great discipline and a successful career is no easy task, particularly in this vying age of razor-sharp competition. But almost every dad, being the family head, along with his better half make things happening in the interest of the family\n\n A son needs a father:\n\n As a boy grows up, on the pedestal of time, many people influence him and his development into adulthood. Clearly, a father is and should be, his most important role model. Every son expects the following from his father:\n\n • Every son wants his father to love and respect his wife i.e. his mother. By doing so a dad is showing him how to treat his mother, his sisters, and all the women he’ll meet in his life. This will set the foundation for the relationships he will have later in his life. In case there is a divorce between the parents or the father-mother relationship is difficult, do what you can to treat his mother with respect. \n\n• The best teacher is, failures of others, and how it is handled. When a son sees his father fail, and handle the failure well, he sees that it is normal to make mistakes and that mistakes can be fixed. Such a son will be primed to , not to be afraid of making mistakes and will grow into a man positioned to accept and conquer great challenges. \n\n• A son always wants to see a dad lead the family by serving; this way, he will better understand leadership. As he grows, he will better lead his family, lead at work and lead in his community. \n\n• He needs you to be present in his education, in his social life, in other areas of his life. A dads’ presence in all areas, will give him the timely support he needs. \n\n• A son always needs, dads’ love regardless of what choices he makes. He needs a dad to love him, unequivocally, even if they are different. A dads’ love and guidance always open the door to trust and acceptance that build relationship.\n\n • A son needs his dad to affirm him. “I love you, my son.” “I’m proud of you, my son.” “You are amazing, my son.” “I know you can do it, son.”. “You are a hard worker.” “You messed up, but I know you’ll bounce back.” These are the lines my dad used when I needed encouragement. A son always needs to hear the words that let him know you- the father. \n\n• A dad needs to discipline/ guide his son – in patches- being on the learning curve. This must be done with love and mutual respect. When you discipline your son, yet set boundaries and expectations as a dad. He is going to make mistakes just like you did, dear dad, as a kid but he also needs to know that his actions have consequences. Disciplining him with love will teach him to consider the consequences, his actions will have. This will prepare him to think and evaluate the choices he makes both now and in the future.\nWe, the children- were when born- do carry the spirit and blood of our respective fathers, mothers and our ancestors. So, we are really never alone. Our identity is through that ancestry line. That is why every parent wants to be known – in the community- as the father/ mother of the wellestablished child.”\nA daughter needs a father:\n\n As a girl grows up, men will come in and out of her life, but the one man who will always be there is her father. The fatherdaughter relationship plays a vital role in a girl’s chequered journey. Following things, a daughter expects from her dad: \n\n• A daughter needs her father to be actively interested in her life. A father should encourage his daughter to pursue her education, hobbies and activities by displaying interest.\n\n • A daughter needs you, to demonstrate a healthy marriage, dear dad. A father that displays heart felt affection, respect, and a true partnership with his wife provides a good example that his daughter will want to mirror in her own life.\n\n • A daughter expects a dads’, support. When a father supports his daughter, fully and wholeheartedly, she will develop a strong self-esteem and a positive self-image. This doesn’t mean that you always have to agree with her, but show her that while you might not agree with a choice she is making, you will always believe in her as a dad and have confidence in her abilities.\n\n • A daughter always wants to trust, her dad as a confidante. When your daughter does come to you and discusses personal issues and problems, she needs to know that you will treat her with respect and confidence. \n\n• A daughter needs unconditional love from her dad. Unconditional love requires that a daughter knows, no matter how badly she messes up, her father will be there, not to ridicule and demean but to forgive her and suggest remedial measures. \n\nConclusion: \n\nThe greatest gift, I ever had, came from Almighty; I call him Dad. The power of a dad in a child’s life is unmatched. Becoming a dad is one thing - being a dad is many things. Being a dad is a diverse responsibility, and it is also defined by providing support to your partner in the glorious journey of parenthood. \n\nBeing a son, a father and a grand father, without an iota of doubt, is one of my greatest sources of achievement, pride and inspiration. Fatherhood has taught me about unconditional love, reinforcing the importance of giving back and taught me how to be a better person. \n\nLike countless other dads, I believe that my children are the best kids on the planet. Not a day goes by that, I don’t thank God for placing them in my life.” \n\nDear children, “Parents are not perfect, nor are they saints. Dads and moms make mistakes all the time. How you handle these situations will be an important life lesson for you. Please consider it, in the light of the fact, that they are not with you forever.” \n\nDear Dads, you are needed today and every day. Thank you for doing your part in saving our youth and making our society better. \n\nA Dad is the one, who is always there; can always be counted on- always has time, always encouraging, that is your Dad, my dad and every dad. \n\nThanks for all you do, dear dads. To the WORLD you are a DAD; To the FAMILY, you are the WORLD. \n\nHappy Fathers’ Day to all !!!!!\n\n
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\nProf. Surinder Kochhar (Shaun)\nLPN, FCN, M.Com, CAIIB, DIM A freelance writer with 36 Years Exp. A Health Coach of University of Victoria
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